Winter

Winter, it longs for your body pulls the sight
along, pushes you to darkness.
You cover your lapses with song, with snow-
Many woolen thoughts crush against my life
but you are so light.
You lie in the snow to sleep, curl in death
that steams and calls to you.
You are its own life its breath on the glass,
its future, its servant.
Many nights I have seen you snow gazer no
nightlite stars, only the quiet sleep spoken
of in crystal slivers that break in your brain;
you are lost to the pain
you are left to the streets
you are lost
to the snow
to the songs
to the pain that never sleeps
but burrows deep to the heart of things,
lost to the crystalline nerve end, lost to
the sound of shattering glass.


Carol Brown ©

To live...

"If you're curious about the answers to the cosmos or would like to share those answers, join us. Techno Theory is designed to feed the curious and expanding mind. We hope this will be stimulus for the neurons in your brain. Share your most exotic theories. Discuss your most favored topics. Contribute to the energy our minds need to remain healthy and rational. Thinkers wanted."

I asked myself am I a thinker? Yeah sure I am, and so I joined the 'thought club' and posted my observation.

Post by Carol: Life itself is why we live, life is our purpose.


And the conversation/debate begins. Good thinking going on.


Wanderer Eledh: You are not amoeba. Just exist is not enough.


Carol: You're correct, I'm not amoeba. But how can you be so sure that amoeba is merely existing? I believe amoeba have the same purpose in life as we have; That is, to live. Unlike amoeba, we have the desire to search for meaning, to give meaning to our lives but I believe all organisms live to live. When we're done living we die, just as amoeba. I wasn't implying that we live just to exist but that we live so that we can continue existing.

Wanderer Eledh: ok, then another question. Amoeba cannot change the world. Can you?

Carol: But amoeba can and do change the world. There is a species of soil amoeba which are quite content in their environment, absorb whatever food they come across when there are plenty of bacteria to eat. But when there are environmental mishaps or catastrophes occur, something changes. These amoeba exchange chemical signals and use their protruding legs for propulsion, seek each other out, and stick together to create a multi-celled creature. The cells within the animal then differentiate into two distinct types; stalks and armored spores, and the starving amoeba then sends its dormant spores into the winds, seeking a friendly environment for it's survival. This process does indeed cause change in the inhabitants of earth, perhaps we aren't aware of having changed, but we have. I think that I have changed the world and so have you. In our attempts to communicate we are at this time, in the process of changing the world, though I doubt that this was our intention; Our intention here, I assume, was to communicate, exchange our thoughts, and perspectives and I think that communication often times creates change. What do you think? Ahhh but communication is yet another piece of the puzzle given to us, yes?

Wanderer Eledh: But don't you think we live to change the world somehow? Probably this is the reason? Maybe the major difference between human and amoeba is that human is actually _aware_ that he is changing (or trying to change the world, and amoeba is not. Sorry, I probably do not speak really clear, my English is not that good unfortunately.

Side Note: She's in Ireland and speaks Russian.) I love her, she knows that we have a purpose, she wants me to hear that we are not on earth just to fuck. I don't know how to express to her that I don't think it's meaningless, I'm merely saying that it's in our DNA to make sure our species lives on; we live to live and in living we have joy and pain, a whole lot of.

Carol: And I agree with you, of course our awareness is far more evolved, and advanced than amoeba. Most of us do have the desire to change the world we live in, but I believe that living, remaining alive is primary and our highest priority. While we're alive, we look around and we see that many changes need to be made. Some people simply want to change their personal space, and there are others who when seeing an injustice, have the desire to create change in hopes of making an unjust world into a world where justice prevails. This does indeed give our existence different meaning than that of amoeba. We look for meaning, and we make choices on how we want to live our lives on the basis of the conclusions we've arrived to. I think that the choices we make come from how we've experienced our lives thus far. I don't think that we're specifically here to change the world, I don't know why or how we 'became', but when and since we did become, many humans thought they had to make changes, and didn't have the knowledge to foresee that what they thought needed to be changed would have serious, and devastating consequences. Some of us have made it our life purpose to undo the damage other inhabitants created. Thus, some have found a way in which to make their lives meaningful. It almost seems futile when looking at the big picture, but along with our evolved awareness we humans also have hope, and those of us who have hope will strive to make a difference while we are here. Still, I feel that we devalue the importance of other species when we say that their existence on this planet isn't as significant as ours. But again I digress, my apologies.

Let me try to expand on what I was attempting to express in the post I left the other day. I spend much time observing what's going on in my world, simply because I'm highly curious, and I have a deep love and appreciation for life itself. I'll attempt to explain, expand on what I meant when I said; It is life itself that we live for... Life is the purpose. There exists a member of the bird species- the house wren, which doesn't winter here as our winters are far too harsh. But when spring arrives the wren migrates here to where I live. What I've observed in watching the house wren, which I haven't observed in other bird species is; when the male wren arrives here, and he always arrives a few weeks before the female arrives, he immediately looks for the best place to nest, so that when the female wren arrives the male has already 'set up house' in hopes of attracting a female, and though this specific attract a mate behavior isn't uncommon, the male wren has to do much more than many other bird species to attract a mate. The male wren builds two nests, for whatever reason, the male wren has something coded in his DNA that pushes him to do more than sing pretty or to build just one nest. I don't think that he builds two nests because he's much more clever than that of other bird species. I think that this is to make sure that his specific DNA survives, lives on. When the female wrens arrive, they hear the male singing, and they will fly to him to see what he has to offer. This is what I find absolutely amazing: He takes the female to each nest. She inspects the two nests while the male stays near and he sings non stop to her. I suspect, and this comes from my human observations of the male human ;-) that the male wren might be telling her that he used specific nest building techniques when building his nests and perhaps in his language of song he could be telling her; take a look at the other one I made, I used more feathers in building this nest, our eggs will have better cushion, more warmth, that is, if you find one of my nests acceptable. If he's lucky, the female will find one of his nests acceptable and if not his chance to make sure that his DNA lives on has greatly lessened. Perhaps he has one more season in which to pass on his genetic code or perhaps this will be his last chance.

The male wren doesn't have the same awareness as we have as to why he does what he's been driven to do. This is what I heard you saying to me; that there's a major difference, we have an evolved awareness. But I believe we live for the same reason as that of the wren, and that is, to live. All species, whether we're aware of this or not, have one primal purpose and again I say the purpose is 'to live' and when I say to live, I'm referring to our specific DNA code 'living' on. My point here is that the wren's purpose isn't to keep his life from ending, his life will end just as all life ends. His purpose is to keep alive his unique DNA. I have no proof that my perceptions are accurate, and I have no desire to be right in what I perceive. I'm sharing my perceptions, and I'm aware that my perceptions are both objective and subjective. I appreciate your interest and willingness to exchange thoughts on life, and I hope that I've made some sense here. Thanks.


Dream theater: Some people say, "the meaning of life is to find the meaning of life." I used to think that didn't make any sense, because it was confusing a meaning with a purpose. "The purpose of life is perhaps to find the meaning of life." Even then, one down, one to go... I don't think there is any meaning of life. We're just here, for some reason. Such a thing could never be universal, because a "meaning" is one of the most loosely-describing words for an "explanation" or "cause" or "reason" that exists in the english language. It's like asking, what is the meaning of the color green. Well, you could explain that green objects contain molecules with atoms whose energy levels are quantized in such a way that they absorb only the frequency of light that resembles "green" in our minds. Then, they release the excess energy and it travels to our eyes. Do you understand "green" any more? Perhaps you could speak of its psychological ramifications: green reminds people of fields, trees, earth, makes them happy, sad, etc...but now you have made the matter quite subjective. Unless you take a rationalist, scientific approach, the meaning of life could never be a universal idea. And such an idea as the meaning of life doesn't speak for science much at all, in my opinion. I think its a question humans ask themselves to try to make sense out of their existence. I suppose I don't believe we will ever know WHY we're here...just perhaps exactly how the universe works and what happen after it started, if their was a starting point at all. When I think about it, the question is so oppressive, so unanswerable, that it hurts. I almost feel as if, if I don't find out then life will be taken from me. Haha, weird moments of realization, but that may have strong implications as to why we ask that question (or at least, why I have and try not to anymore, hehe).

Carol: Dream theater I agree with you and I doubt there is an actual meaning of life. I think that we give our lives meaning. I was trying to say that we live to live, that we are pushed by our DNA to replicate. I'm not trying to make any sense out of why we're here, I'm trying to make sense of why we have the strong desire to give meaning to our existence; isn't our existence meaningful in itself? "When I think about it, the question is so oppressive, so unanswerable, that it hurts."

My realization... There is a sense of oppression when we endlessly look for reasons as to why we're here; what does all this mean, when did it happen, why? It's difficult to not ask these questions. When I was sixteen I wondered if I actually existed and I got myself into trouble. By merely asking myself this question I experienced a few months of extreme anxiety. We spend an amazing amount of time trying to make sense out of our lives rather than living our lives. Yet, it's our curiosity and our searching which has enabled us to live longer so that we now have more time to ponder the meaning of.

Revxaos also had something to say: I'll actually take your statement one step further. I believe the purpose of life itself is to EXPERIENCE. Doesn't matter what we experience, just that we experience. I also believe, that when we die, we return back to the ocean (metaphorically speaking) from whence we came, bringing all our experiences back, and adding them to the great collective experience. We are the ocean, that becomes the drop (x infinity), that rejoins the ocean.

Carol: Revxaos I intend to return to the ocean... before and after I die. "We are the ocean, that becomes the drop (x infinity) that rejoins the ocean." I love what you expressed here, very poetic & wise.

Revxaos: Exactly. And thank you. I try to be poetic and wise... and other times, I prefer to play the fool. All in a Life's Work, I suppose.


"All in a life's work I suppose." Revxaos is living his life just for the experience...

Glow

There moves in my heart a shifting of arteries,

three dimensional geological surfaces slipping,

pumping shock waves and vibrations.

Fault lines break open, love gushes over boulders,

vessels unravel exposing a spark where delicately

laced wings rest upon prehistoric moss.

Here, hold lightly my heart in your hand,

blow your warm breath into my waning moon.

My passion, my desires waving rolling swaying

dancing and spinning a' whirl until earth

tumbles up and leaves me shuddering.




Carol Brown ©

Book Me!

So, just for fun I took this meme quiz to find out what book I would be and it seems that I'm Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

And the sordid details. "Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff could get you killed."

Makes me wonder where was I when I was having the time of my life. Missed my own grand_slam party...how typical of me.