Real Too Real

It's just like when you're watching a movie...the very beginning, I can feel how it'll end and I know that it's going to be unbearably painful but I can't stop watching I have to know for sure that what I know is going to happen, happens... hoping...hoping...that it won't be like that...like real life. No please. No please. Let it be different...but it's life, it's my life and it's just like watching a movie...the very beginning. I can feel how it'll end it was always there, that ending. stamped on my birth certificate…I never had control over it…the beginning or the end of my life...the middle is filled up with all of my memories and I can't take these with me when it ends… I have to leave my memories behind.




Wait, let me finish. I understand how it is, how you have to distance yourself because it's the same way for you. It's just like you're watching a movie but you see that it's real it's my life it's not a movie, you know how it'll end for me. You have no control either but it hurts anyway...you decide to buy some buttered popcorn and a coke... but you have to sit way up there in the balcony, get as far away from me as possible while you're watching me end...I know that you hope it'll end differently...but I know that you feel it too...it's just like when you're watching a movie...the very beginning, you can feel how it'll end and you know that it's going to be unbearably painful but you can't stop watching, you have to know for sure that what you know is going to happen, happens...hoping...hoping...that it won't be like that...like real life.

You feel cheated because the popcorn is lousy, the coke's watered down and the asshole sitting behind you is constantly making remarks telling me to end it already. It cost him twelve bucks to watch my miserable life...I’m not worth the time and now he wants his money back.

You stand up, look for the nearest exit...your life, it'll have a happy ending because you're not like me...you're not anything like me.


January 7, 2008