On Communication

The paradox of communication is that while it enables us to connect, oftentimes it's the direct cause of why we disconnect.

We, all of us, have expectations.

There are reasonable and unreasonable expectations. I believe that most people have the insight capacity and the ability to differentiate between the two. But this belief in itself could be perceived as my having unreasonable expectations. I'm aware of my unwillingness to lower my reasonable expectations and this comes from relationships where I've lowered or let go of my reasonable expectations simply because I had the desire to make things better.

I found myself not wanting to ask too much from someone, who, for whatever reasons felt that I expected more from them than what they were able or willing to give. I tried to suppress my disappointments because I've always had a strong desire and need to keep the peace. But I couldn't not say anything. It was my love for the person and my desire to have healthy and thriving relationships which motivated me into taking the risk of expressing my feelings.

The end result of my having lowered my expectations caused me to feel resentment and I was left with feelings of deep disappoint.

I told myself ... this is better than nothing. This is better than not having the person I love dearly in my life. But relationships cannot thrive under these circumstances, and they almost always end or they never become all that they could have become.

I've thought about what pains me most the absolute end of a relationship or remaining in a relationship which couldn't possibly reach it's full potential.
I've found the latter to be more painful. It breaks my heart when looking at what could have been as never really evolving because of the differences in how we perceive.

Our perceptions are largely based on our life experiences and if we aren't able to see this in ourselves, aren't aware of the reasons why we react in the way we do, there's no use in attempting to save a relationship or in our having illusions that something magical will create the change for us.

If those in relationships aren't able to reach an understanding of each other, aren't even willing to look at the possibility that the expressed expectations are reasonable, the relationship ends. Remaining in such a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship hasn't ended.


I don't believe that the initial cause of failed relationships is always because of a lack of communication. I think that it's because we aren't aware that there are many available ways in which we can use to communicate... certainly more than the one way which most of us were taught. We need to be open to the idea that language itself is oftentimes a communication barrier.

I know these thoughts of mine aren't original, they come from the desire to be heard, to be understood and we all have the desire to hear and understand what's being said to us, if we're willing to listen...